Things A Guy DOESN’T Wish Women KnewMar 24, 2009
# Not all of us like sports. We just pretend to to seem more manly.
# We secretly memorize everything you wear.
# Don’t tell us to tell you if you look bad. Just… stop. We won’t. Ever. Under no circumstances.
# Likewise, we’ll never tell you when you’re wrong. Couches aren’t comfortable, for this is our destination when we tell you you’re wrong, especially that happy little time that comes about once a month.
# Not all guys are afraid of commitment.
# Likewise, not all guys want to take advantage of you so please, for the love of god, get over your “I hate men” bitching.
# There are things we don’t want you to do. We’ll never tell you.
# We really do think you’re cute when you’re tired.
# But you’re never cute when you’re mad at us. Never.
# Honestly, we really do think all girls are uglier than you. It’s how our brains work. So quit asking.
# Don’t ever come over and not want to cuddle or kiss.
# We secretly wish that you’d pick us over your friends, and when you don’t we’re secretly bummed.
# Muscle-y women are gross, disgusting, and all together vile. No cushion for the pushin’? Get out!
# Sometimes the only things that motivate us to even try at all in school are our wonderful girlfriends.
# We hate when you go on vacation without us and leave us all alone!
# Really, we hate when you do anything without us. (but we’ll never tell!)
# We hate the roads conversations take when you girls utter the words “I’m fine, I guess.”
# Oh, and we hate it when we can’t cheer you up. Throw us a bone, for goodness sake!
# We say you don’t need to dress up for us or wear makeup for us… but we sure would like you too!
# Never roll your eyes at us.
# We’re not kidding when we say we’ll trash any guy that looks at you.
* And if any guy puts his arm around you that’s not my clone or me in a mirror, his head will emblazon the pike in my front yard.
# Whisper in our ear!
# Come behind US and hug us. It doesn’t always have to be us that does that to you!
# Tell us when we smell, please. We can’t tell and our guy friends don’t realize it.
# However, we’ll never tell you if you smell. See above.
* But please don’t smell, we have this concept in our mind that girls are supposed to smell like flowers and sunshine.
o Don’t shatter our concepts!
# When your boyfriend is a nerd, the least you can do is pretend to listen to him when he attempts to tell a funny story about his guild in World of Warcraft, or attempts to explain the physics of a tachyon.
# Oh, and nerds really are better lovers.
* Plus, we’ll make a lot of money when we’re older, and chances are your football player boyfriend is gonna be bagging my groceries.
EDIT!!: As the original author noted: “Oh, and please don’t nitpick every little bullet, this is for humor, not for to be serious! (Trust me, I’ve already gotten in trouble for a few of these with my girlfriend!)”